i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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