we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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