If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
