3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Randomize
