My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Randomize
