i jhust puked up my retainher.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Randomize
