Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
