I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
