bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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