my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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