I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
