I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize