You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
