You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
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