According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
Randomize
