His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Sex in the backyard? Check.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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