i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
