ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I love you. Go after that dick
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize