Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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