I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
