don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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