this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
