I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
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