So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
