i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
