did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
They should really pass out barf bags in church
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
you had me at cake vodka
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
