from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
