she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
