p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
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