I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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