i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Everyone says I win the strip club
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize