Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I wish i was in the wii world.
the day after is always just damage control
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
