Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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