Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
