You really coming over, don't trick.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
