from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
