i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
