My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
