woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize