I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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