I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Randomize
