Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
