Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Randomize
