Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
