Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
