My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
