So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
pop tarts are not kleenex
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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