I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
