need another drink. this is the easiest way
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Randomize
