I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Well I just put wine in my tea
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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