ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
My liver just had a heart attack.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Randomize
