so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I seriously think I have a tan line on my stomach from getting a boner while in the taning bed.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Your cock deserves a montage
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
