69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
