Fuck appropriateness.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
