My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
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