Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
