Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I cannot find my penis.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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