Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
And then my night got REAL pukey
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize