If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
