yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
it was like eating out sand paper
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
