I swear god or herbie drove my car home
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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