It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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