so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
