did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
