Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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