I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
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