Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
