her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
