I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Randomize
