I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
