I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I think I sprained my soul last night
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
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