I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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