Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Damn victory sex feels great
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Randomize
