At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
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