If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
