This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I will pee on everything he values.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
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