i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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