remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
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