he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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