and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
