I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize