I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
