hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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