i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
And then my night got REAL pukey
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
