dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
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