Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
