MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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