I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
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