he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
i can't believe i had my finger in that
This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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