i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
