Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
