Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
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