best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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