turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
