You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
