so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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