you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Randomize