You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
