um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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