I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
