I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
