I want to stick my p in your. b.
My cat gives me a boner
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
